Who am I? Figuring out who I am .... again

The last 3 years of my life, I feel like I haven't stopped. 

• I married the man of my dreams in October 2007

• I had my first child in October 2008

• Returned to full time work in November 2009

• I had my second child in September 2010

And that is just the big things that have happened - not the day to day stuff like, birthday parties, trips to the zoo, the park, Seaworld, friends places, and plane rides interstate. The list goes on and on.

Its hard to put this in words so I am going to do the best that I can. 


I went from being me - I knew this me, I knew her very well. I was comfortable in me skin, confident I looked after me. 


I then became a wife. Not much changed aside from my name, though it did take me almost 9 months to finally get off my butt and change it. I was still me just had a different last name. 

I then became a Mummy. Everything changed. My marriage, my body and my life. Out of those three 2 have changed for the better.  My marriage is rock solid. My husband and I are closer then ever... we fell deeper in love after each birth of our darling daughters. We are a team, a bloody good team. 


My life has changed for the better. I feel like I was born to be a Mummy. I love it. I am not one of those Mummy's who whinges and complains. I chose this, I love this life of mine. 

Which brings me to my body. The one part of my life that hasn't changed for the better. Yes, I expected stretch marks a few extra kgs. But I didn't expect what I was left with. A body I didn't recognise and alot more extra kgs then expected :( I am embarrassed, I am ashamed I am unrecognisable. 


I think that this is a huge part of why since being a Mummy I don't feel like me anymore. I don't even feel like a new improved version of me. Yes things are different now soooo different but why don't I feel like me.... the old me? I don't interact with people the way that I used to. I was someone who could chat for hours on end with a group of friends but now I can sit there in a group of people and not even enter the conversation. Still and silent. I lost my confidence.  At times I feel like I don't even know how to be social anymore.  I feel so awkward and unsure of myself and what to say. I was someone who was so active and social catching up with friends all the time. Now, prefer to stay at home, I don't get judged or stared at there. 


I was once someone who was active and fit and now I am lazy and overweight. I was a very health conscious person and watched what I was feeding my body but now I just eat cause I need to not caring what it is.


Maybe the care I once had for me is now used up on my Husband and my girls? Have I given up on me? How do I even start to get back to feeling like the old me? Am I the only one that feels like this? Is this normal? If I lose the weight will this bring back the old me?


These are the questions that continue to circle around in my mind over and over. 


I have no answers to my questions, I don't know if anyone out there does. I guess putting all these feelings out there might help me remember the person I used to be. Help me be me again....

My life

A little about me....


I am a Mummy of two gorgeous princesses. Isabella (2) and Charlotte (4 months). I just love them to bits and feel very blessed to have two gorgeous healthy babies. 

I have an amazing husband (married for 3 years) who is a spunk! He is my best friend and we just adore spending time together. He is a hands on Daddy and very supportive. I am so lucky that he is mine :)

I have two very cheeky furbabies who are Brother and sister. Kovu is a white Labrador & Kiara is a black Labrador (4). They have the best personalities and they just adore the girls. These gorgeous dogs were our babies before our babies. We always refer to them as our bubbas. To us they aren't dogs. 

I am very lucky to have all of my family live close by. I am the eldest of 4. I have two sisters and one brother. I am also an Aunty to one gorgeous little girl Dakota (5 months). I love having my family close to me. We get to spend alot of time together which is nice. 

Aside from spending time with my family I love reading, taking photos, shopping and being creative of any kind. I love scrapbooking, painting, making jewellery, making cards. I will give anything a go and more then likely get addicted! Then I need all the bits and pieces for me to fulfil my creative urges.


I am currently on Maternity leave and enjoying my time at home with my girls. Life is a bit crazy. We spend our days playing, painting, colouring in, playing dress ups, dancing and singing. I am completely exhausted by the end of the day but I love it. 


I am on a bit of a self discovery journey. Being a Mummy and a wife is all still so new to me. I take one day at a time, learning and figuring things out. At times I find it hard to believe that I am all grown up, I'm a Mummy and a wife!!